It has taken me some time and serious thought on this subject regarding invasion of privacy. When your girlfriend invades your privacy by checking your cellphone call log, or accidentally getting into your voicemail, or accessing your emails, what recourse do you have at that point?
Even if she finds out that you have been talking with other female friends and even flirting with them, she still has invaded your privacy. I have been often told that two wrongs do not make a right.
It would seem to me that damage would have been seriously done to the existing relationship once the girlfriend invades your privacy in such a manner. It puts the relationship in an uncomfortable position. Does the girlfriend owe the boyfriend an apology regardless of what she found, or does the boyfriend owe the girlfriend an apology? Regardless, I have been told that if you don't want to find anything, please do not go looking!
It is difficult to make a conclusive comment w/out knowing the "agreements" of the relationship. Is the couple exclusive or not, etc.? If one party is engaging in behaviors that violate an agreement of monogomy/exclusivity, then that is a problem. If there are lies covering the behavior, that adds to the problem. There are violations of trust and of the relationship in that scenario. Clear indicators of a relationship in trouble. Both sides of behaviors in this situation are clear violations within the relationship and you can't really justify it by point fingers the other direction.
ReplyDeleteIf the snooping is just snooping because of a total lack of unfounded distrust issues, that is a blatant violation. If the snooping is to uncover the lies, then it is bad, but may be necessary. Sometimes you want to know you are not losing your mind. Most people are not as good of liers as they think. That doesn't excuse the snooping, but it may occur to in an effort to seek the truth.
The gender arrangement on either side of the behaviors is irrelevant. Sometimes we create the behavior we fear by our own actions. A distrustful partner can assist in creating distrustful behavior. A lying deceitful partner can bring about behaviors of deceit.
The scenario you present carries distrust, deceit and disrespect from both parties. Those are difficult issues to resolve within a relationship.